The Nicknames

Parenthood has brought with it many surprises, some big and some small. But occasionally one of those surprises is a bit stranger than the others. Namely…names.

Nicknames to be exact.

I’ve never really considered myself to be a nickname guy. Yes, I will sometimes call somebody “Chuckles” if they happen to be laughing at my expense, but most of the time I’m pretty much a call-you-by-your-preferred-name kind of person. My brain has enough difficulty just remembering names, let alone inventing new ones for people. But the strange surprise for me is that I make an exception when it comes to my daughter Reese. It’s been non-stop nicknames for her since she arrived. Here’s a small sample of ones I’ve used along with some explanations and circumstances that brought them about.

Fussybear – I probably use this one most often, or at least as often as Reese is fussy. It stems mostly from my love of Fozzy Bear the muppet. He had his share of tough crowds a fussy Reese is one of the toughest crowds I’ve yet encountered. But like Fozzy, I handle it like a pro. I tell bad jokes with bad puns and try to make her smile.

Fusspot - A variant of the previous Fussybear. I use this one when she’s fussy, obviously, but I will usually add a “Princess” to the nickname. Now she’s not merely a simple fusspot, she is Princess Fusspot, heir to the throne of fussiness. And when her fussiness reaches princess caliber, you know she means business. I first heard the term fusspot in the movie Coraline, one of my favorite creepy kids movies. I can’t wait to show it to Reese when she’s old enough.

Kickyfeet/Grabbyhands – I pull this one out usually when we’re in the middle of a diaper change and Reese doesn’t feel like sitting still. She may start kicking or trying to reach up and grab my face. To which I respond with statements like, “Whoa there, Kickyfeet, we need to put this new diaper on ya!” Or “Ow! That’s my nose, Grabbyhands, I need that!” Sadly, this doesn’t usually elicit sympathy from her…mostly just giggles along with more kicks and grabs.

Dancypants – Whenever I carry Reese, she likes to face outward so she can look around at the world. If she’s feeling energetic she’ll sort of run in place in my arms. If you use your imagination, it kinda looks like she’s dancing. And so was born the name of Dancypants. Sometimes preceded by a “Lil’ Miss,” in honor of the Mr. Men and Little Miss books, so you end up with “Lil’ Miss Dancypants.” She seems to like this one and hopefully she’ll have better dancing skills than her dad as she gets older…seriously… it won’t take much for her to be better.

Stuffynose, Boogersnots, Sneezyface – This season has been rough on Reese’s nasal cavity. Some of it has been the weather changes, but she’s also had a cold. Meaning lots and lots of snot. And because baby drinks all her meals, she needs to be able to breathe through her nose. And that’s where dad and his impressive nose clearing skills come in. Unfortunately, Reese doesn’t seem to appreciate how good I’ve become at using the Nose Frida (If you aren’t familiar, I caution against a google image search) and bulb syringe. In fact, she downright hates it when I clear her nose.  So, while she screams at me while I work on her nose, I attempt to calm her down and entertain myself by calling her things like Princess Stuffynose, Madame Boogersnots, and Lady Sneezyface. Does this myriad of impressive titles help her mood? Still too early to tell but I’m leaning towards no.

Tinytoots – Another surprise as a parent: The level of gassiness in infants is astounding! Sure, I knew going into this that babies make tons and tons of poopy diapers. But somehow I never heard from any parents or any parenting class just how gassy babies are. Drinking a bottle…tooting. Swinging in the swing…tooting. Playing on her mat…tooting. With this level of consistency a nickname was bound to happen. So one night during a bedtime story, punctuated by a couple of her signature tiny but stinky outbursts, the name of “Tinytoots” was born. However, it should be noted that “Tinytoots” shouldn’t be confused with
“Stinkycheeks.” Stinkycheeks isn’t a nickname, it’s more of the name for the condition of having a really full diaper. As in, “Whoa, I think somebody might be coming down with a bad case of the stinkycheeks!” Or “This is the worst case of stinkycheeks that I’ve seen in all my years of medicine! Call in Specialist Mom to change this diaper! What? She’s unavailable? *sigh* I see. Get me some wipes….A lot of them.”

So that’s what I’ve been able to come up with for the first eight months of her life. It’s been a fun creative outlet. But it does leave me with a few questions. Will any of these nicknames have staying power? Will new ones emerge as new behaviors and skills appear? Will she be embarrassed years later when she reads this?
A dad can hope.

More days to come.